Back ‘Before Cornonavirus’ aka BC, I stood in rooms filled with people and listened to music. I sat in auditoriums and absorbed messages from authors. I sat elbow to elbow with friends, colleagues and strangers. I whooped and yelled at volleyball games. I danced and celebrated at weddings. I squished myself on airplanes and never thought twice about it. I wandered aimlessly at libraries. That was all so ‘yesterday.’
In my dream last night, I was in a room bursting with people and my neighbor (from 1973) walked across the room to greet me. His arms went up to hug me and I stopped him in shock, admonishing him about our social distance rules and regulations. I looked around the full room and realized it was too late now, the way everyone was all tight together like salmon wiggling and giggling upstream.
I took a step back from him and remembered I was dreaming and I could do anything I wanted. I rewound the dream and this time when I spotted him in the dream, I let him hug me and I held him and just breathed him in. And I hugged him back. This childhood friend of mine just gave me the first hug I’ve had in a very long time and I just breathed it all in.
I didn’t realize this post would be about loneliness but that’s what’s coming to the surface as I write. Even with all the gratitude I feel for my life, the enforced separation due to the coronavirus means there’s no hugs. No physical connection. No massages. No touch. I didn’t realize how much I missed it until he reached out from 1973 to me in 2020. It was like a scene from Quantum Leap.
I’m not complaining. I have a house, I have food, I have a yard, I have space. I know of so many others living on top of each other, with no outlet when tempers flare. I know the family courts are dealing with custody issues, restraints, domestic violence and I take a deep breath in and exhale gratitude.
I know how lucky I am and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but boy oh boy I sure miss those sweet things I took for granted, don’t you?
Now, all I ever want to do is to connect. I make calls. I send cards. I use the internet to Face Time, Zoom, Skye and FB video chat. And with all that connection, the physical touch is still so elusive…
How about you? Are you in contact with those long lost friends and relatives?
Happily ... after retirement 
This is very eloquent. You’ve summed up my feelings exactly only in better words. Was it only three and a half weeks ago that we were crowded into a giant theatre with a thousand other people enjoying a play? Is it even possible that I’m now working from home and have to talk to my coworkers via an App called Slack? I wore a mask to the store today. I felt stupid, but everyone else was wearing them too.
I remember a couple of months ago a friend from China sent me a video of the people there wearing masks and avoiding each other like they had the plague. Well, they did. I thought they were nuts, but now I’m doing the same thing. Oh well, at least it’s making us appreciate each other. I hope we don’t go back to shredding each other online about politics when this is all over. Hang in there.
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Thanks so much for your comment. I too hope that we learn to be kinder and more gracious when we are allowed to be social again. For now my life is meetings on Zoom and family gatherings on FB Messenger. I enjoy the quiet but would prefer the choice of quiet or … something else. I gladly wear a bandanna but it’s something I’ve done for years (ha!) – Thanks again for sharing your thoughts!
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I miss my boys’ hugs the most ~ they’re both > 6′, I’m 5’3″ and when they hug Mom, it’s all encompassing. For now Virtual Visits have to do ~ but not the same.
Like you I am very grateful to be SAFE at home (vs. stuck at home). I’ve embraced walking outside, making it a point to get out every day. I’m reading more, resting more, turning away from the “news” and counting our blessings. This too shall pass ~
Bests,
MJ
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MJ – Yes, this will certainly pass and when it’s over and done we will hopefully have a newfound respect for quiet time. I am blessed to have a yard to work in and clean up as well as files to toss and photos to review. I often wonder how children will remember this time. “Where were you during the 2020 pandemic…” This time everyone around the world will have a story to tell. Thanks for your comments. It’s always a delight when you visit.
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