September 2015 – Happily … after retirement

I don’t spend much time on Facebook like I did. I go there every few weeks and look at new family photos and then exit the program. There was a time I posted photos and made comments and ‘Liked’ but not anymore.
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First off, it took me a bit of time to understand but after I read the posts from family and friends I got sad. Their lives were so full, so rich, so purposeful. They had anniversary photos, new jobs, they had ‘relationship status’ updates from “single” to “in a relationship” and then “married.” Their kids were top-achievers, getting into great colleges, finding employment and getting married. The married children were in contact with their parents, took photos with their children and life was rosy and sweet.

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Their holidays were joyful and the only thing missing was Norman Rockwell. Photos of their vacations could have been ripped from travel guides. The more I read, the sadder I became. It’s not that I was envious of my Facebook family, it’s more like I was left behind in the gray room with all the gray colors and gray food. My life — which is pretty full and fantastic, felt sort of …lacking.
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It took a bit of detective work but the pieces fell together and the truth unfolded. There were fights, bankruptcies, illnesses, divorces, job losses and failing students standing there when the camera was put away. This bit of reality didn’t ease my sadness; it just made me realize how childish it all is.
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It’s childish for me to compare my standing with someone’s posting on Facebook. It’s stupid to wish for another life when I have no idea if that person is truly happy or perhaps cries herself to sleep at night. I know where I stand. I know what I’ve achieved and what it took to get me there. I know there are things I want that I haven’t achieved and sometimes I wish I could have a ‘do-over’ but this is where I am – right here and now.
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Every now and then I’ll check Facebook to see who’s doing what … and everything I read I’ll take with a grain of salt. No sadness, no comparison, no wishing I had someone else’s good fortune. I know better now.

Why you feel terrible after spending too much time on Facebook (www.huffingtonpost.com)
New study links Facebook to depression: And know we know why (forbes.com)
The Seedy Side of Facebook (margekatherine.com)
Study: Too much Facebook leads to depression, envy (politicalfails.wordpress.com)

I’ve missed blogging and most of all, I’ve missed you.

Are you wondering what got me back here with my fingers on the keyboard? Well, it was a morning walk with a dear friend – around a lovely lake under the bluest sky I’ve seen in a long time here in Northern Colorado. With each topic that we touched on (and when 2 women are walking and talking about life, books, family, friends, spirituality and all that good stuff — the walk is much too short) she would end with – and you should blog about that. And this. And that.

And so.

We all need motivators in our lives wild flowers 2 and I think my friend and I play that role for each other. When she’s lost and down, I can help raise her energy and refocus on something positive and upbeat. When I’m feeling lost and untethered and I’ve not been blogging for a while, she is right there with a wide range of topics. Oh goodie. Now when I run dry of something to write, I know who to contact!

My list of topics I ‘need’ to cover (according to her) include 1) my move to another city, 2) making friends, 3) finding my way, 4) volunteering and 5) lessons learned. I know there are many more but these are top of mind.

Before I blog about those 5 items, I want to write about friendship. It’s a connection between people who share something unique to them. My friend and I met when I was a young mother, wife, student and waitress. She and I really connected when life threw her a curve and she let others in to help her. I was one of those others.

Within a year, she was in my world helping me deal with a family health issue and she hung in there for ten years as a beacon, confident and shoulder to cry on.

I have friends from all walks of life. The best friends are the ones who accept me for my faults and failures and still want to be with me. Those darlings who see the best of me, the worst of me and continue to stay in my life. They allow me to show my sad side, my scared and insecure side as well as my strong and powerful being.

I’m lucky. I’m blessed. I’m glad to be back.

kayak2